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Remember when we were kids and our folks used to tell us when the Democrats are in, it means we’re going to get into a war, and when the Republicans are in, it means a depression is on the way? Well, you got to hand it to George W. Bush because somehow he’s kind of done both.This election season has had more twists than an episode of "Fringe." The latest has put the shattered economy front and center, and that’s not good news for John McCain.
The glow is off Sarah Palin. At this writing, her unfavorables are now 42-46 against. She knows less about the economy than McCain, who used to brag he didn’t know much about the economy (didn’t Sam Cooke record that song?). No longer does anyone care who put lipstick on the pig because the answer won’t save anyone’s 401(k). Who cares if the surge is working, if the rest of us are not?
Poor McCain. The guy has been the chairman of the Commerce Committee for seven years, fighting to loosen regulations on banks and financial institutions like Bear Stearns and Lehman Brothers. Suddenly, he has to swear that he’s really been for regulating Wall Street greed. That’s like Andy Reid telling us he hates passing and loves to run the ball. Just last week, Palin was telling adoring crowds often government is the problem and not the solution. Sarah is very eager to reform Wall Street, but sending her to reform Wall Street, about which she knows even less than McCain, is like sending Joey Vento into the barrios to teach kids English.
McCain has gotten into trouble with the economy before. He told the late Tim Russert he didn’t know where he got the notion he admitted not knowing much about the economy. Russert told him he was quoting McCain. Then McCain’s chief economic brain, Phil Gramm, said the economy was fine, but Americans are a bunch of whiners. McCain had to send Gramm so far underground he thought he was in the movie "Journey to the Center of the Earth."
Even after the economy was crashing down around him, McCain was still telling voters it is fundamentally strong. Some us thought he was channeling Herbert Hoover. Pressed by Matt Lauer on "Today" to explain if he really believed the economy is fundamentally strong, McCain resorted to fibbing again (see Sept. 18 column). I was talking about the American workers being strong, he said (you could almost hear the strains of "John Henry was a steel drivin’ man" in the background).
Someone must have told McCain he had to get tougher on the economy because the presidential candidate is now ranting about firing the chairman of the Securities and Exchange Commission. There’s only one little problem, the president does not have the authority to fire the head of an independent agency. This is what makes them independent, as MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow reminds us.
Right about now, McCain could have used Mitt Romney as his vice presidential nominee to tackle the issue, but all he has is a Tina Fey impersonator. Palin is an empty pantsuit. So what does poor Mac do?
Apparently he has decided, although he was asleep in Economics 101, we’re the voters. He has flip-flopped again (see John Kerry campaign for definition of flip-flop).
McCain is now for government regulation. Meanwhile, Palin is still trying to figure out what time the hockey rink is available for rental. In essence, McCain is running not only against Barack Obama, Bush and the Republicans, he is running against John McCain.
Soon McCain-Palin, joined at the arthritic hip, will travel across the land on the former Straight Talk Express. McCain will promise to fire John McCain if he gets elected and replace him with the more popular Sarah Palin, who will promise to make hockey tickets more affordable to all and thus salvage our economy. She will tell us, "the only difference between a hockey player and a hockey mom is a couple of teeth."
This will become the first campaign in history where a political party never refers to itself by name. Republicans will deny they are Republicans. McCain will tell us the "R" next to his name and that of his colleagues stands for "Reform." Palin will add the "R" also could stand for "Ruffling Feathers in Washington."
Maybe the "R" stands for "Recession."
