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Could anything be more American than getting the big news about bin Laden while watching a ballgame on TV? There is apparently an unwritten rule in our country that you cannot interrupt a sporting event even when you finally have killed the world’s leading symbol of terrorism. ESPN decided to run a banner along the bottom of the screen, which, for the moment, jarringly mixed in with scores of hockey and basketball playoffs, announcing bin Laden’s death (SEALS 1, bin Laden 0). And then the announcer almost sheepishly advised the audience it could tune in to its local ABC station for more details on the killing of Osama bin Laden. It was not an easy decision in a tie game that was threatening to go into extra innings.
Word slowly spread through the crowd by way of the social networking sites normally carry nothing more urgent than a description of the blonde in short shorts who is sitting in a row nearby. The crowd seemed as uncertain as the announcer as to how to react to the news. Then a rhythmic chant of “USA! USA!” began to build. This was a sports crowd used to voicing its emotions in no more complex way than a cheer or a boo.
I realize a ton of folks are upset that some Americans would cheer the killing of anyone. Bad taste is booing Michael Irving when he was carried out of the Vet on a stretcher not cheering the death of evil incarnate. If we can’t be happy about the death of bin Laden, when can we be happy?
The players themselves appeared baffled. They thought maybe the organization had announced another dollar dog night. Working Facebook or Twitter is prohibited during a ballgame. Neither the public address announcer or the costly, technologically marvelous scoreboard appeared to bother to post an announcement that bin Laden was dead. Everything appeared normal to the players; Ibanez had gone hitless again, Turkey Hill half-gallon No. 2 won another scoreboard race, and for some strange reason they were still playing “Buffalo Soldier” when Shane Victorino came to bat, and yet something was different.
It seems we are not allowed to be happy according to our critics both here and abroad. We are somehow always the bad taste Americans. The euphoria has not lasted long before the questions have begun. The details of bin Laden’s demise have been often contradictory. He was or was not unarmed. He did or did not hide behind his wife. He had been planning to either escape or announce he would run as a third party candidate for president. In closed societies you never have to worry about contradictory statements. In America, we trust the National Enquirer to get it right.
The rumors are flying because, unlike our airplanes, they don’t have holes in their fuselage. Obama knew the exact location of bin Laden, but waited to authorize the attack to get the maximum boost for his popularity in the polls. Wait, maybe Obama sanctioned the Navy SEALS to go in because he wanted to wipe that smug smile off Donald Trump’s face.
The photos of the Obama war room showed the president wasn’t really in charge because he was seated to the rear. Why won’t Obama release the photos? The doubting “birthers” will become the doubting “deathers.” The tabloids will report bin Laden has been seen in Argentina with Hitler. There will be tickets waiting at the box office for bin Laden at a Broadway Theater, the same one where Elvis is rumored to have been seen. I can’t wait for a whole new round of e-mails.
Political analysts scurry to give their opinions on the meaning of bin Laden’s death. It will make us safer; no it won’t. It sends a message to terrorists that if you attack America in about 10 years after you are old, walking with a cane and have kidney disease, we will kill you.
Will this enhance Obama’s chances in 2012? Yes, he is unbeatable; no, in two years people will know more about the “Dancing with the Stars” winner than bin Laden. Did torture lead to finding where bin Laden was hiding out? Is Abbottabad next to Costelloabad (ask your grandfather)?
A furor is erupting over the code name used by the administration for bin Laden — ”Geronimo.” You would think we had inflicted enough embarrassment on our native tribes with the Cleveland Indians logo, Chief Noc-a-homa of the Braves, and having Daniel Snyder’s football team carry the name Redskins. I know how badly I would feel if they used the code name “Guido.” In the future, can’t we just use the colloquial name for rectum for any of these assassins?
Pakistan claims it did not know bin Laden was living in a “mansion.” When is a mansion really not a mansion? When it is located in Abbottabad. If this is true, it’s high time Pakistan contracts out its intelligence agency to Israel.
Questions are being raised about how bin Laden could have resisted arrest when he was unarmed. I am not one of the quibblers. He deserved to be shot on sight. I would have been just as happy if a sniper picked him off or someone poisoned his hummus. And dammit, I am not apologizing for feeling good about the Navy SEALS, the president or my country at the moment.
Ding dong, the SOB is dead! SPR
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