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With a tip of the hat to founder Robert Ripley, we have gleaned this collection of weird and bizarre stories from news wires around the world. See if you can tell which are true and which are only a figment of the columnist’s imagination.
A: A California ad agency will pay good money if you agree to turn the outside of your home into a billboard. This is just a logical extension of corporations buying the naming rights of sports facilities and concert halls. Instead of new siding, why not a sign proclaiming the new natural fries from Wendy’s with sea salt?
B: There is a distinct possibility two brothers will try to defeat incumbent Mayor Michael Nutter. Milton Street will oppose Nutter in the Democratic Primary and if he doesn’t succeed, chances are former Mayor John Street, will run as an independent candidate against Nutter. Are Philadelphians really yearning for the good old days of the Street brothers in politics?
C: New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie is against taxing millionaires, even though his state faces a huge budget deficit, because it will cost the state jobs. A recent study shows that keeping the former Gov. McGreevey tax on millionaires will do no such thing. A lot of factors go into a business decision to move out of state that often overshadow paying the extra tax dollars. What now, a study shows teachers are not bankrupting New Jersey? No, that’s too weird.
D: A British artist, Lauren Porter, has knitted a wool Ferrari. It took 12 miles of wool fitted over a steel frame. Now Porter, after touring the world with the knit Ferrari for five years, is looking for a permanent home for the “car.” Chances are you will save gas, but it’s pure hell when you take it out on a rainy day.
E: Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer, who signed off some of the most draconian anti-immigration laws in the country, has apparently gone liberal. Brewer recently vetoed legislation that would have forced presidential candidates to show their birth certificate before getting on the ballot in Arizona. Next thing you know, Brewer will be telling us she doesn’t believe Obama is a Muslim.
F: An Israeli TV journalist has found a pair of ancient nails he says may have been used to crucify Christ. He is not saying these are the nails, just that they could be the nails. They also could have been the nails Robert E. Lee used to panel his basement right before the Civil War began.
G: Secretary of Transportation Ray LaHood was quoted as saying he will not sleep until the sleeping air traffic controller issue is solved. That makes one federal official involved in transportation who will not be sleeping in the near future. Perhaps it would help if we hired more controllers and had them work less or we could fire them all and ask the pilots landing the planes to be more alert. What’s that you say, the pilots are worked to death so they are likely sleeping too?
H: The politically conservative owner of the Flyers has helped finance a three-part adaptation of Ayn Rand’s “Atlas Shrugged.” Part one was recently released and is playing in area theaters. Snider, like many conservatives, professes profound admiration of Rand’s principles of rational self-interest, which extol the virtues of pure capitalism. Her philosophy, called “objectivism,” also preaches atheism, on-demand abortion, and legalization of all pornography. I am willing to pay admission to the next evangelical event when Rand, Paul Ryan and other Rand Republican admirers preach that sermon. Perhaps Snider could sponsor the event.
I: At a school in Seattle, a teacher would only allow a volunteer to bring Easter eggs into her classroom if she called them “spring spheres.” I supposed next Christmas holiday in that classroom they will be hanging “winter spheres” on the holiday tree.
J: They just spent a lot of money to modernize the handicapped ramps on all the streets in our neighborhood, but alas, a disabled passenger fell out of a car when it hit a giant pothole. Irony or a matter of priorities?
K: In the Oscar-winning film, “The King’s Speech,” King George VI is portrayed as an ally of Winston Churchill against the growing threat from Nazi Germany. In truth, the King opposed Churchill and was a bit of a Nazi sympathizer who supported a treaty with Germany. By actively supporting Lord Halifax for prime minister against Churchill, the king also violated British law which prohibits its monarch from getting involved in politics.
L: Our governor has come out against the gas driller in our state poisoning Philadelphia’s waters. In the past, Gov. Tom Corbett has refused to approve a tax on Marcellus Shale drilling or tighten regulations on the process known as “fracking.” Is our governor too cozy with the gas industry to be credible? Do we have the right to ask, what the frack is going on?
M: After the Phillies unveiled their pitching robot, a reporter asked whether it would replace Joe Blanton in the stating rotation. Charlie Manuel replied he had no plans to do so, but if the robot could hit, he’d put him in left field tomorrow.
Answers J and M are false, all the others are true. SPR
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