1-Philadelphia rats are working part time as Santa’s elves.
2-Terrell Owens gives himself a Christmas gift.
3-After accepting bribes, City officials ask, "So what are you doing New Year’s Eve?"
4-Bill O’Reilly says "thank you" after phone sex.
5-Santa is a member of the National Guard so he’s spending Christmas guarding a barracks in Iraq.
6-The Three Wise Men get lost following the Star of Bethlehem and have to call OnStar.
7-A court decides Santa has to purchase a mercantile license to deliver toys in Philadelphia.
8-A Republican is seen helping the poor.
9-People put a live tree in their homes and decorate it with artificial snow.
10-Hillary Clinton proposes a new law banning the burning of Christmas trees as an act of protest.
11-Someone drinks too much eggnog and makes a jerk of himself at the office Christmas party.
12-That "someone" is the boss and everyone pretends not to notice.
13-The president flies to Iraq for a photo op with a turkey drumstick.
14-People send you Christmas cards with pictures of children, even the ones who don’t have any children.
15-I raise the question at Christmas dinner, "If this is a traditional meal, where is my figgy pudding?"
16-Your wife asks sweetly, "How could Santa come down our chimney if you haven’t cleaned it in 20 years?"
17-You respond by cursing each of Santa’s reindeer.
18-The White House Holiday (for Christians read "Christmas") tree is short on decorations and Donald Rumsfeld declares, "Sometimes you have to go to Yule with what you have."
19-The Phillies are shopping for pitchers at Wal-Mart.
20-Wal-Mart employees get a Christmas bonus – a bathroom break.
21-WHYY dusts off an Andy Williams Christmas special and you can purchase the DVD from them for a mere $100 contribution.
22-Laura reminds Dubya of last year’s New Year’s resolution to read a book, so he reads "’Twas the Night Before Christmas" to her (with the help of phonetics).
23-Andy Reid donates a pair of his slacks for use as a float in the New Year’s Day Parade.
24-Per a suggestion in The New Republic, detainees at Abu Ghraib are piled high in the form of a human Christmas tree (the detainees are naked and painted green).
25-Since reindeer were part of the local holiday kill to thin the herd, Santa’s sleigh is being pulled by 12 Mexican mules that made it past Border Patrol.
