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If you thought no “X-Men” movie could sink below the cesspool of “X-Men Origins: Wolverine,” which itself was dug at the base of the leech pit that was “X-Men: The Last Stand,” then your sole reason to see “X-Men: First Class” is to believe the unbelievable. As if bent on dirtying whatever value was left in the X-Universe, this grossly executed prequel defecates all over the brand’s mythology and resonant themes, and, in the process, manages to unwittingly offend blacks, Jews, gays and comic book fans alike. It’s a fine candidate for worst movie of 2011, as it’s hard to imagine anything else failing more spectacularly.
Opening with a cheap rehash of the concentration-camp intro from ’00’s “X-Men,” then leaping forward to the swinging 1960s, the film strains to establish the friendship between Erik Lehnsherr (Michael Fassbender) and Charles Xavier (James McAvoy), Holocaust survivor and horny mutant scholar, respectively (Charles uses mutation jargon to pick up chicks in bars – yowza!). Joined by Mystique (Jennifer Lawrence), whose character history is especially warped, the future Magneto and Professor X team up to combat mutant baddie Sebastian Shaw (Kevin Bacon), a Nazi-turned-gangster who senselessly flaunts his minions’ powers while plotting planetary destruction.
There’s no end to the unintentional humor, which infects everything from Erik’s childhood breakdown to a mutant-recruitment montage that may as well have been scored to the “Austin Powers” theme. Exceptionally humiliating is a Disney-Channel scene that sees the teenage X-newbies share aliases and abilities (watch what I can do!), or a color-coded insta-romance between Mystique and Beast (Nicholas Hoult), a CIA science prodigy who’s accidentally outed (“You didn’t ask, so I didn’t tell,” he quips to his human supervisor).
Setting the film against historical events like the Cuban Missile Crisis doesn’t help its effectiveness for squat, as director Matthew Vaughn and a band of dreadfully uninspired screenwriters constantly counter-attack with their own graceless, witless bombs. What’s more, they welcome your vitriol with easily redirected zingers like, “Where do I find the more evolved people?”
X-Men: First Class
PG-13
In theaters now
One reel out of four
True Grit
PG-13
Now available
Oscar favorites Jeff Bridges and Matt Damon are expectedly good in this acclaimed Coen brothers remake of the John Wayne western, but the spotlight is handily stolen by young Hailee Steinfeld, who’s dynamite as a precocious teen dead set on avenging her father. As atmospheric and character-packed as any Coen production, “True Grit” stands out for markedly and unsentimentally improving on the original. SPR
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