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Ah, words! The worst enemies of mimes yet the best friends of politicians, teenagers and women, they guide interactions, yielding an array of reactions and emotions that breed even more words. South Philadelphians certainly never shy away from enunciating, and my years as a student, teacher and resident here have allowed me to note that certain words, sayings and expressions too often rankle our ears. Here is a sampling of what I consider the worst offenders. Please debate my selections if you must, and suggest others. Be powerless against the onslaught of dialogue.
1. Wait until next year
This one, which used to be the cry from Brooklyn Dodger fans when their Boys of Summer would lose the World Series to the New York Yankees, has become the motto of Philadelphia Eagle buffs. Face the facts, you faithful followers; your squad cannot squabble with the big boys.
2. Djeet?
This compact way to ask someone if he or she has already eaten certainly will win any user points for laziness.
3. I shoveled that spot so it’s mine
I hate winter as is, but this saying, invoked when abundant snow targets our congested streets, ups the torture. I love how the season has made beach chairs far more than a summer aid. This philosophy makes me mad not necessarily because I think people who utter it are foolish. It draws my ire because they are right and Mother Nature is telling them to exercise more. The nerve of her!
4. Youse
This one has me begging for the salvation of grammatical souls. Yes, nobody can doubt that the decision to have “you” as a singular and plural form is horrendous, but please refrain from using this one and its close relative “Youse guys.” Youse use bad judgment, even when speaking informally, when relying on this bad boy. Be an angel.
5. My son/daughter is a saint
Speaking of celestial beings, I find this sentiment particularly puzzling. I have taught children and often interacted with parents who fail to see that their young ones often love impersonating Satan. Since I have not instructed youngsters in ages, my recent experience with the dreaded sentence comes from overhearing street conversations. Who knew South Philly contains such divinity?
6. Yooge
I know all about South Philadelphians’ penchant for interesting pronunciations. Regardless of that, this alteration of “huge” really assaults my frazzled ears. It has a few friends, too, such as “yoomongous” and “yoomid,” that should make any yooman, er, human, cringe.
7. I seen
If I had structured this list according to frequency, this egregious utterance would have topped the list. I know that grammar can often be to locals what kryptonite is to Superman, but, wow, knowing that “I saw” is the proper past tense of “I see” does not sound as difficult as splitting the atom, everyone. Top uses of this mistake include “I seen that movie” and “I seen her with another guy.”
8. Whiz wit
That I do not eat meat does not merit this popular cheesesteak request’s placement on this list. The horrible truncating of “with,” however, violates my sensitive ears. Have we really become so lazy that we are now hacking letters from one-syllable words?
9. Where at?
I know that nobody can retain every grammar rule, but this utterance has become more common than such mainstays as what I like to call the you-trio, “Thank you,” God bless you” and “I love you. Why does it offend me? “Where” and “at” are synonyms, which means saying “Where at?” is the equivalent of saying “Where where?” and “At at?” Leave that “at” out of the mix.
10. Yo
Yours truly admits to liking this one, so label me a hypocrite if you wish. It has a certain level of informality to it that “Hi” and “Hello” lack, but formality still wins more favor. An old saying advises “When in Rome, do as the Romans do.” When in South Philly, don’t do what the natives do. Take “Hi” and “Hello” for the win.
Contact Staff Writer Joseph Myers at jmyers@southphillyreview.com or ext. 124.
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