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Are there really such folks as independent voters? I know polls show there are a defined number of people who have not yet made up their minds. But do they really exist and if they do, do they really vote?
CNN will no doubt round up some of these so-called independents, closet them in a studio, feed them all sorts of snacks and breathlessly gather their opinions after the upcoming debates. You see, the independent vote is the one political mythology says always decides our elections. These independents are portrayed as average folk, who might even wear spandex slacks or flannel shirts from L.L. Bean just because they are so very average. But average as they may be, these independents must be deep thinkers — the very deepest of us all. They like to seemingly ponder the issues for an interminable period of time before finally making up their minds.
Here we are in September. The candidates have been campaigning since 15 minutes after the last election ended. The Republicans held more debates than, as Mom used to say, “Carter has liver pills.” President Barack Obama has repeatedly appeared in the backyards of families holding quiet barbecues to plead his case.
More money has been spent on television commercials than the Gross National Product of Ghana (I don’t know if that’s true, but I am depending heavily on the fact that you don’t know either).
Anonymous readers of this column have sent me numerous messages questioning my sexuality, parenthood and level of continence. Justin Bieber has begun to shave and faced accusers in paternity suits. Yet during all this time, these voters who call themselves independents still have not made up their minds about who they are going to vote for. They continue to ponder while various pollsters still count them as “undecided.”
Many, many years ago, your columnist originally registered as an independent. My thought was I am who I am (that’s the way I talked back then) and nobody owns me. Except my father had gotten me a senatorial scholarship from a local politician on the promise I would at least register in that particular political party.
Most unfairly I disappointed my father, something I regret to this day, but I only came to my senses when I discovered that by registering independent, I could not vote in a Pennsylvania primary. In a matter of speaking, it ended my days of independence. But in today’s political arena, independents are made to feel special rather than indecisive. They are wooed with more frequency than Kim Kardashian. Kim felt slighted by Obama, who once mentioned in an interview he does not allow his kids to watch the Kardashians. I suspect that, as a result, Kim is not an independent.
I have tried to climb inside the minds of true independent voters. I imagine them tossing the political issues of the day back and forth in their heads, sort of like an Olympic volleyball game. The great divide the rest of us see between our two political parties is apparently not evident to these independents. Mandated health coverage, the war in Afghanistan, budget cuts and/or higher taxes are jumbled together in the mind of the independent.
Watching the local news doesn’t help much. A subscription to People or Us Weekly can keep one perfectly informed on the goings on in the life of Brad and Angelina, but not so much about the merits of the stimulus package. The daily newspapers have gotten so expensive and who has time to read them all? And then before you know it, the first Tuesday in November rolls around and it’s time to vote.
The rest of us who have made up our minds have no alternative but to wait for the independents to make up their minds. Our own votes seemingly neutralize each other. Television does not find us nearly so interesting. Being a committed voter is like being a casserole where the seasoning has been forgotten. We almost feel apologetic for being so conventional and boring.
The independent’s mind finally has been made up. Maybe it was something one of the candidates said or the way the wife of one of the candidates wears a bit too much jewelry. Maybe it’s that last-minute pamphlet shoved inside your door reminding you one of the candidates is for euthanizing seniors or is a Dallas Cowboys rooter (oh my, which is worse?).
The deciding factor could really be just about anything. Just to get the whole thing over is an inviting thought. And really, one does get so damn busy this time of year. A peek out of the door reveals it is raining on Election Day. That parking spot will never be there when you get back. The damn umbrella is broken. How much does one vote count anyway? What has either one of them really ever done for you?
Comforted by the knowledge that elections don’t much matter anyway, you sink back into your sofa, curse both parties and all of the politicians, and turn on the television to see who the next president will be.
It’s not easy being independent.
Contact the South Philly Review at editor@southphillyreview.com.
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