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Columnist’s note: This column is not meant to make fun of a tragedy, but sometimes humor can best make a serious point.
I own five hoodies. When I wear a hoodie, it’s not a political statement. It’s just my ears get cold. I also am a white geezer who hasn’t lost a fight in 60 years. I haven’t had a fight in 60 years. One of our local bar/restaurants has a sign outside the entrance that warns one must remove their hoodie before entering. Another famous establishment has an unofficial policy that one can’t wear a baseball cap backwards. Geraldo Rivera believes wearing a hoodie was as much the reason for Trayvon Martin getting shot as anything else. I think I sense a trend here toward dress codes for minorities.
Spike Lee tweeted what he thought was George Zimmerman’s address. Spike, as you know, wrote and directed “Do the Right Thing.” Spike didn’t do the right thing. He got the address wrong and apologized to the elderly couple who did live there. But what if he had gotten the address right? Would that have been much better? Can we all agree that doubling down on vigilantes won’t bring justice to Trayvon?
A friend told me a bank in the suburbs requires anyone wearing a hoodie, a baseball cap or sunglasses to remove them before entering the bank. My bifocals are transitional lenses. If I had to remove my glasses before banking, I would probably collide with the teller’s window. Why not add baggy pants, sneakers and burqas to the list? In fact, if they can require you to wear a jacket and tie at a fancy restaurant, why not to a store or bank? As “Curb Your Enthusiasm” once showed, some folks would feel more secure if all African-American males wore glasses. But as Jon Stewart noted on his show, please, no bow ties, we’ve got this Nation of Islam fear we’re dealing with.
I am against a rush to judgment, but this has been more like a slow waltz to justice. Incidentally, I admit to a bias against Florida since the dangling chad thing helped give the Supreme Court a rationale for installing George W. Bush in the White House.
At this writing, here’s what we do know about the shooting of Martin. Zimmerman is believed to have carried his gun on the town watch while his colleagues say they were told to leave their guns at home. That makes me want to sing the old Johnny Cash tune “Don’t take your guns to town, boy. Leave your guns at home, Bill. Don’t take your guns to town.” Zimmerman supposedly tracked Trayvon even though the 911 dispatcher warned him not to do so and he agreed not to do so.
The tape records Zimmerman using the word “coons” or if you believe his friend “goons.” I guess goons is qualitatively better because it is non-racial, but why would Zimmerman describe an unarmed kid as a goon? Zimmerman’s claim that he acted in self-defense is not backed up by ABC video that shows him as unmarked. There is someone heard crying on the tape. Zimmerman claims he is the one crying, not Trayvon. But since Zimmerman emerged unmarked and had a gun and Trayvon got killed, who would you bet was doing the crying? On the positive side for Zimmerman, his gun is legal and he was not wearing a hoodie. The police decided the weight of evidence was on Zimmerman’s side and did not charge him or take away his gun.
May I digress for a moment? While I am partial to wearing a hoodie when it’s windy and cold, I think politicians and celebrities are just opportunists when they wear hoodies in public. Besides, they really look silly wearing a hoodie on the floor of Congress when they are actually trolling for votes. It would probably bother a lot of women if George Clooney began wearing a hoodie. Even the Miami Heat have taken a team photo wearing hoodies. Personally, I don’t think a hoodie makes LeBron James any more loveable. Kim Kardashian will soon be seen wearing a sequin-studded hoodie any day now.
The KKK wears a kind of hoodie. I have always thought the white sheets of the Klan were inspired by Casper the Friendly Ghost. I never understood why a KKK member has to be completely covered from head to toe. You think they are covering up a really bad wardrobe?
There is a distinct possibility Yankee pitcher CC Sabathia is in violation of the Florida racial dress code. When the Yankees visit Tampa, CC risks being locked up for wearing his flat brimmed Yankees cap sideways.
In the end, I hope and fervently believe justice will prevail, even if it is in the state of Florida.
Contact the South Philly Review at editor@southphillyreview.com.
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