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If you’ve seen the cast list for “The Expendables” — Sylvester Stallone, Dolph Lundgren, Bruce Willis, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Mickey Rourke, etc., etc. — you’ve seen the most exciting thing about this bloody snooze of an action flick, directed and co-written by Stallone as an excuse to unite as many Hollywood macho men as possible for the purpose of killing literally hundreds of nameless foes. The film has the target of campy/retro/cult hit square in its crosshairs, but a supreme lack of fun, spirit and, yes, direction leave the mark definitively missed.
Continually determined to resurrect the types of movies that made him a star, Stallone follows up “Rocky Balboa” and “Rambo” with a shoot-’em-up military adventure that may very well have been plucked from the bombs-and-bullets heyday of the 1980s (it even features the forever-smug Eric Roberts as a villainous suit and Arnold Schwarzenegger in a much-buzzed-about, but flagrantly tacked-on, cameo). Placing himself front and center, Stallone, with his Silly-Putty skin and pitifully silly delivery, stars as the leader of a group of mercenaries whose names include Hale Caesar (Terry Crews) and Ying Yang (Li), and whose guy’s guy banter is just as contrived.
Though the exact reasons for the mission escape me (the commonplace plot eludes concern like a sleeper missile), the boys are hired to head off to South America, where they delight in upping the body count, then pause for some falsely sincere moments of reflection that have no place in a noisy adventure flick with B-movie genes. Stallone’s attempt to give his bloodthirsty, nihilistic film a soul is plainly misguided, and only Rourke (playing a skirt-chasing tattoo artist) proves to be above the blind-pedestrian script.
“The Expendables” boasts a couple of nifty set pieces, but more excitement could probably be found in just about any of its actors’ other trigger-happy titles. And, while seeing all those big names on the poster most likely pumped up the hordes of action fans that took it to first place at the weekend box office, they really need look no further than the title for the 411 on this dud.
The Expendables
R
One-and-a-half reels out of four In area theaters now
Recommended Rental
The Square
R
Available Tuesday
A gripping Australian noir about the deadly consequences of a heated love affair, “The Square” debuted Down Under in 2008 and finally made its way to U.S. art houses this year.
Met with considerable acclaim, the thriller is written and directed by brothers Joel and Nash Edgerton, who turned heads with their shocking ’07 short, “Spider.”
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