44398609
The greatest sin every bad movie commits is disregarding the better judgment of its audience. The modern masses may be all-too-willing to shell out oodles of dough for mediocrity, even garbage, but that’s no reason not to wag a finger at those who make said garbage, then dare to ask for payment in return, thus continuing the vicious, subpar-cinema cycle.
The worst movies of 2010 ranged from comedies to fantasies to horror films, but all have at least one common denominator: Insulting viewer taste and intelligence for a fee — a fee that, unfortunately, many people gladly paid.
Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps
To make up for the consequences of the original “Wall Street” (what was meant to be a cautionary tale about the price of greed instead spawned a whole generation of Gordon Gekkos), Oliver Stone delivers a sequel that’s not only drained of venom, but completely devoid of fangs. The result? A treacly, lumbering family flick that’s hideously-designed to boot. Only returning star Michael Douglas is able to bridge the two films’ 23-year gap, picking up where he left off and remaining unruffled by the minefield of missteps surrounding him.
Splice
With its vanguard director (Vincenzo Natali), its gifted leads (Sarah Polley and Adrien Brody), and its slow-boiling first act, “Splice” gallivants about in a guise of sci-fi sophistication. But once the garbage-dump dialogue, self-seriousness and — wait for it — interspecies intercourse take over, it’s clear this is nothing but a cheap bit of tasteless sensationalism. “Splice” isn’t just another tedious creature feature; it’s much, much worse.
Death at a Funeral
An American remake of a 3-year-old British farce that wasn’t even that good to begin with, “Death at a Funeral” joins “Jonah Hex” as one of the year’s most unnecessary movies. Its true crimes, however, are its horde of pancake-flat characters, its rampant homophobia and its utter lack of amusement. Its only stinging irony is its theme of good-versus-bad writing (unless, of course, you count the whole no-pulse thing).
Resident Evil: Afterlife
A waste of everyone’s time (including, especially, its makers’), “Resident Evil: Afterlife” is a prime, egregious example of an inert franchise stubbornly refusing to die (it even has a title that — gulp! — suggests everlasting sequels). You know you’re dealing with dead-tired, uninspired crapola when the film it keeps ripping-off is the original “Matrix,” whose imitations went out of style nearly a decade ago.
Saw 3D
The latest – and, if it keeps its promise, last – chapter of the “Saw” series is a film so shoddy and irrelevant it’s barely worth including on a “Worst of” list. It’s yet one more movie whose “3D” title advertises little more than two hours of free eyewear, and it serves to reinforce the notion that senseless gore and relentless gynecide qualify as worthwhile entertainment. By the end, you feel like your insides have been scraped out with a shovel.
Leap Year
Somebody thought it’d be smashing good fun to cavort through Ireland with Amy Adams so she can propose to her beau on Leap Day (because, you know, women can’t do that on any other day). Somebody thought wrong. Witless, charmless and shockingly clichéd. “Leap Year” leaves no Blarney Stone unturned in the rote rom-com department. It’s as disposable as Kleenex and a chore to sit through..
From Paris with Love
Oh, where to begin with this one? The cover-your-eyes embarrassment of John Travolta’s attempt at over-the-hill hipness? The barely-there plot that’s maniacally, unabashedly indecipherable? The grimy cinematography that makes the City of Lights look as bleak as a random ghetto? All valid complaints. But the worst thing about watching this aimless actioner leap from one preposterous point to the next is the secondhand shame of how cool it thinks it is, like the class dork posing as the class clown.
Going the Distance
Even if you can overlook the moronic implausibility (Drew Barrymore as an overgrown-tween-slash-crackerjack-journalist), the ingratiating side players (Charlie Day and Jason Sudeikis as the world’s worst best-bud-buttinskies) and the grossly misguided decision to stir in Apatow-style raunch, “Going the Distance” is still a long trek through comedy hell. It renders its 30-something leads not as people, but as phony, paper-doll characters from bad movies. Go figure.
Grown Ups
An arduous nightmare of male infantilism, “Grown Ups” stars Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, David Spade, Kevin James and Rob Schneider — five past-their-prime comedians desperate to retain some semblance of relevance. Its slapstick scenes are like kicks to the brain, its wholly unfunny humor squashes every potentially winning moment, and its tacked-on emotion is offensively bogus. Top to bottom, inside and out, it’s a movie terrified of maturity.
The Last Airbender
Quite possibly the coffin nail for a career that’s been dying for a decade, the anime-inspired fantasy “The Last Airbender” is the worst monstrosity to ever come from M. Night Shyamalan, the world’s most faithfully disappointing filmmaking talent. If ever there were hope for the “Sixth Sense” director, it was in the opportunity to helm something not born from his twilight-zone of a mind, where blind narcissism reigns supreme. But in translating this popular Nickelodeon series, he does his biggest botch-job yet, unleashing the most unwatchable movie of the year.
Dumbfoundingly preposterous, dizzyingly expository and stocked with some of the lousiest child performances you’ll ever see, “Airbender” galumphs for 103 minutes, then has the audacity to end with a lead-in to a sequel. Say it ain’t so. SPR
44398624
44398604
